The Boston Globe & a viral WaPo piece
You own your story and experiences, but creating characters out of other people is terrifying. And when I say create, I mean to interpret the memories and feelings associated with them. Memoir and journalism rap at the same door of the same problem: how do you reconstruct a person’s life, even if just a sliver, fairly and honorably?
1. Breaking up with a friend was harder than any romantic split — The Boston Globe 6.9.24
In which I mourn the end of a complicated and tumultuous but still-beautiful-and-gorgeous friendship. Read here.
With time, I began categorizing events in my life into two distinct periods: With Her and After Her. My mother’s passing? With. The birth of my third child? After. During those years together, every event was colored by a deep devotion to someone I had envisioned growing old with — someone to share in our children’s milestones, witness the graying of our hair, the appearance of wrinkles, and the slowing of our gaits.
It turns out my experience isn’t that unique, as demonstrated by the dozens of comments, emails, and messages I received on the topic. I sat on a draft of this essay for over a year, unsure if I trusted myself enough to gauge the hindsight timing and handle the story with the care and attention it deserved. In my book, it’s one thread in a braided essay telling a larger story, so the focus isn’t so narrow and doesn’t leave me feeling uneasy about my spotlight shining on someone else who may not want it. Still, I remind myself I write about my life to understand shit, and this essay is but one version of an understanding of someone at one place in time. And let it go.
2. Man dies at 85, comes out in his obituary: ‘I’ll forever Rest in Peace’ — The Washington Post (Inspired Life) 6.15.24
In which a friend posts a local obituary that sends me into a rabbit hole of research and light (“light”) Facebook stalking.
I don’t like to chase stories. The “thrill” some reporters and journalists talk about sounds like a manic episode to me, and I am trying to stop having those (thanks, psychiatrist!) BUT. but. I love The Information and Finding That Thing. You know that girl on TikTok who finds people’s birthdays (with consent) just based on their supposed lockdown profile? Yeah, she’s also me. I am her.
So maybe I stayed up until 3 AM reconstructing family trees of strangers, copying over every single associated number in a spreadsheet, and pouring over other obituaries, school records, and newspaper archives. Hey, it’s just me over here (with a toddler on my lap); I don’t have a team behind me or even full-time working hours. (idk actually was this a manic episode? should prob call my dr.)
I’m also hesitant to write intimately about strangers’ lives, but when I saw this not-yet-viral story unfolding, I knew it was perfect for Inspired Life. I wanted so desperately for the world to read Ed’s words. To hear the stories of his life from those who loved him and either knew him and kept it under wraps (his entire family never meeting Paul? Going by “Tom” in his outworld when with Paul?) or didn’t know him at all (his firefighting colleagues and longtime friends).
Anyway, it seemed the internet agreed with me. As of today, the article has thousands of views and hundreds of comments. Collaborating with the WaPo fact-checking team and a staff reporter (THANK YOU!) resulted in this heartbreaking reminder of why we still need Pride. Read here.
3. What’s next?
A braided essay at The Rumpus and
Flash nonfiction guy at Identity Theory.
House of Dragon s2 (!!!!)
Learning more about how rabbits can swim (saw this on twitter and it blew my mind; not sure yet if it’s a hoax).
(I’m still trying to figure out what this substack will be. Please don’t leave me if you hated this. Maybe you’ll like the next thing.)